Weekly Goal - Explore

I saw quote today that read "Children will learn to explore when they are given the opportunities to do so and not given a reason why they cannot." What a beautiful sentiment this is. Exploring is so important to learning and the developing mind.

"Children use their senses, their minds and their bodies to find out about and make sense of what they see, feel and experience in the world around them. They gather information and develop new skills, including thinking skills. They form ideas and theories and test these out. They refine their ideas through exploring their environment actively and through interacting and communicating with adults and with other children. Much of this happens through play and other experiences that allow children to be creative, to take risks, and to make discoveries. As they learn, they retest their theories adjusting them to take on board new discoveries and new experiences. " - NCCA (Source)

Let them walk around outside, and feel the grass on their toes, let them jump in puddles, let them climb on the playground (with your supervision), let them run around! It's what they are meant to do (with proper supervision of course!). Here is a great article about ways to let your child explore:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/learning/exploring.html

Neil deGrasse Tyson said,

"Kids should be allowed to break stuff more often. That's a consequence of exploration. Exploration is what you do when you don't know what you're doing". 

Now I'm not saying go let them break the TV or vase... but let them go outside the throw ice cubes on the ground, or build a tower with them and let them knock it down, and rebuild it. When they are a little older, let them take apart something you build out of lego, or help them take apart a flashlight when they are old enough. Grab a glower, and let them pull it apart to see everything inside of it. If you're fixing something, let them watch, or help you take it apart when they are old enough. 

Mark Twain said it best:

Explore. Dream. Discover!!

PIN IT!

See our Pinterest for great ideas!! Click here, or here!

Mistakes and Misbehavior

I know parents are often at a loss as to what to do when children misbehave.  Particularly if it has to do with another child.   It is difficult, I know, to figure out who was at fault and how to teach them to behave nicely towards others.

May I make a few suggestions?   If children are unkind to others (this includes you!), here are 4 steps to help turn the negative into a learning experience.  If you use these steps often, it will become a habit for both you and your child.

1. Children need to understand what they did wrong.   Older kids can verbally tell you what happened...you have to guide little ones to understand.   Don't lecture or go on about what happened, remember we are trying to make this a positive learning moment.  Just make sure they understand what happened.

2.  Children also need to recognize that they had a part in the situation.  If they continue to say.."but it wasn't me" etc, just simply state that they were part of the problem.  Once they recognize this, move on.

3.  Next step is to make amends.   That may be an apology or replacing something.  It could be restoring something to its original state (cleaning up, washing a coloured wall etc).   Remember, apologies will be different for every child and every situation.   Some show it emotional, some just say the words.  This is ok, as we are teaching them what an apology is.

4.  My last suggestion is important and I think parents miss this step!  This is probably the biggest step to a positive learning opportunity.   Simply ask your child what they could do next time to avoid this situation.   Ask them what steps they can take when this problem occurs again.   Depending on age, with younger children you will have to tell them and with older children you can guide them into coming up with solutions.   A child is more able to remember what to do when the situation comes up again, if they are involved in the solution.

So remember:   Your children are going to make mistakes. It is a human thing to do.  We need to guide those mistakes into opportunities to learn how to do it better the next time.

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Weekly Goal: Play

Playing with our children is so important. Not only does it teach THEM to play, but shows them we want to be a part of THEIR world, not just having them in our world. Besides that, their world is much more fun!!

Printable 8x10 - right click, save and print! 

So go spend a little time in your kids' world. You'll be amazed by the magic and beauty!

Pin this one! 

Laughing Matters

Happy thoughts today!   So no teaching today.... I just want you to enjoy your children!  PLAY!

Ideas: 

• Build a fort, 
• sing a song, 
• do a puzzle, 
• play a game, 
• blow bubbles, 
• face paint,
• read, 
• finger paint with pudding, 
• pull them around on an old blanket, 
• dance, 
• play dress up, 
• paint a fence with water, 
• build an obstacle course with pillows and boxes, 
• living room picnic, 
• build a spaceship.

Best advice for today?  LAUGH!

Two Words to stop yelling, rudeness, meltdowns, and more!!

Two calm words to stop yelling, rudeness and power struggles (and more!)

I have to tell you that this idea came from my daughter.  Where she heard it first, I have no idea, but I LOVE the results she sees when she uses these words.  I now teach them in every class I teach on discipline.  Parents come back with positive results!   I would love to flood the world with these two words!

 "Try again"

Wow!   Two simple words.  

When are children are speaking rudely, excitedly, not using manners, yelling, meltdowns, not sharing, hitting, eye rolling, bad language, loud, anxious......(the list goes on) then try "try again".

Think of what results you can get.   It is a reminder that their tone, body language, or words are not appropriate and they need to stop and try it all over. When they "try again" and it's appropriate, then answer calmly with your response. Don't remind them that they were wrong the first time.  They already know this from your "try again" response.  

These words work well with all children.  They work even with the most challenging situations you and your child may be experiencing. My four year old grandson has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and the words "try again" help him to stop and regroup and focus on what he wants to say.

The 2 word simple phrase also works with all ages; toddler to teen.  

One reason (among many) that I love these two words is because they respect both you and the child.   

Words of caution:   You may be doing this over and over throughout their childhood/teenage years. This will be common as our children are still learning.  

Good news is you will find having to use it less and less as you don't engage in power struggles.

REMEMBER:  You are actually encouraging and teaching more by using these two simple words than any lecture or yelling or power struggle ever will teach!  

Side effect: this keeps YOU calmer too and less stress and anxiety in the home.  

So....Try "TRY AGAIN" *Editors note* - Christie here (Laurie's Daughter). My son (he will be 5 in January) was diagnosed recently with Sensory Processing Disorder (read about it here!). Not only are most of his senses overloaded with more stimuli than the average person (their brains do not block out the stimuli that normal brains block out because it is unimportant or irrelevant to their current situation) he also sometimes do not receive enough stimuli to certain senses, causing SPD kids to SEEK it (you will commonly find my son watching TV upside down, simply because it adds more stimuli to his brain).The emotional reactions to said stimuli (or lack thereof) is also hard to manage for him, because his brain is trying to hard to manage all the other stimuli going on around him. Sometimes, he just gets WAY too excited about something, and usually ends up yelling too loudly, or running up to Nana and crashing into her on his way to one of his rare hugs (hugs aren't a thing usually because he doesn't like the way it feels - stimuli thing again... touch is a hard one for him). Sometimes he just doesn't know why he is sad or overwhelmed so he tries to make up reasons that he is.

ANYWAY, one time while on a trip to visit my sister, I heard her use her "try again" with her children. It worked so well! I came home and started using it on my kids (specifically my son, who was not yet diagnosed). It is WONDERFUL! Sometimes due to lack or too much stimuli around him, he doesn't know how loud his voice is, or too whiny, or too mean, or rude, etc. But if I simply say "try again", he stops and thinks "oh... how did I say that? why do I have to try again?" and it helps HIM to realize what he is doing. If I simply tell him, he can't tune out other stimuli enough to listen to me. But if HE figures it out, he does a much better job at correcting the problem himself! At first I had to explain to my older kids what I meant by try again. But once they caught on, all I have to say is "try again". And now my 2 year old knows what I mean by it, because she has seen me use it with the older kids. Awesome! Seriously, try it for a while. It will change your life!

COURAGE

In light of recent happenings and events in the world, this word has been on my mind as I think of children.  My thoughts are on our children and those who live in the areas that are bombarded with hatred.    I see the courage these children have on a constant basis.  Going to bed at night, some looking for food for their families, others watch friends and family die, some are dealing with death in their “peaceful” countries.  

I believe OUR children need to learn this word, COURAGE.   They may never have to deal with a war torn country (we hope, we pray) but it is around their world constantly.   Technology shows us what is happening all over the word in an instant!  We all know this.   Some of our children see this and don’t understand where these events are happening and it causes great anxiety and fear.

We need to shield our younger children as much as possible.   These little ones aren’t reading the news or going on the internet, but they see and they hear.  I learned this a few years ago when there were devastating floods in our area.  I had picked up some of my grandchildren that very day to stay with us for a week.  It was all over the radio and tv.   We watched the news all day.  As adults we are aware that often the same event is shown over and over on the news.   To my grandchildren, as they heard it while playing or saw it on tv, they thought it was happening all over again.  Every time they saw a broadcast of the floods, it was new to them.  Turn off the tv, or watch when they aren’t around.

The same thing happens when we watch events all over the world.  It may be the same event, but to young children this is happening again and again.  

Children who are in school are going to hear and see things.  They may even study these events.  This can frighten some children.  Teenagers, of course, know what is going on and there are those that are afraid (although they may not express this).

Communicate with your children.  Watch their expressions, the things they say and even the things they don’t say.    LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN to them.

I would like to add another suggestion:

TEACH THEM COURAGE

We need to teach our children to have courage; courage in the words they use, courage to stand up for that which they believe, courage to face another day, and courage to look at the good in the world.  They need to have courage on the playground, courage in their families, courage in the schools, courage in their workplace, courage on the sports field, and courage in the world.

This starts with telling them what courage means.  Talk about the word often, point out times they had courage, read books, tell them stories of courageous people (including yourself).  Children may surprise you at some point how courageous they can be.  One of our young grandchildren stood up to a bully who was picking on a friend with a disability.  That is COURAGE.  If they learn courage in their little world, it is easier to have courage in the big world.  When children feel courageous they will have power within themselves; power to change the world, power to stand up to those that are mean or evil, power to do what it right.

Model courage yourself.  Be a change in the way people talk about others.  Have courage to say something when you see someone who is not being treated fairly.  Have an attitude of courage.

Having courage, even just an understanding of the word, gives our children hope in whatever circumstances they are in.   It gives them power to handle the situations they see in this world.  For some children, it gives them life.

American Thanksgiving

The American Thanksgiving Season is upon us (Canadian Thanksgiving for us was in October). With that in mind, here is a link to an adorable Gratitude Tree! I love this idea for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever you happen to Celebrate this season!  Such a cute idea to help get your kids in the grateful mood, no matter what you celebrate. Have you kids help build the tree, find a place for it, and have help them cut out the leaves (under parental supervision of course). Have the older kids help write the younger kids' ideas. Love it! Thanks to The R House for this adorable idea!

Bridges of Communication

“Mom, are you listening?”  “Dad, can I please, please, please?”  “No one ever listens to me!”  

Does this sound familiar?  If so, then let’s talk about communication and listening.  Listening  to your children shows respect.  Why is it that we expect them to always listen to us, yet we sometimes tend to ignore the things they are saying.   Granted, I will give you the fact that you are busy, you are possibly trying to listen to many young people all day long.  I get that.  Having said that, sometimes just listening to what your child is saying is enough to stop them from constant pleading or talking.

When communicating with others, we can set up barriers or bridges.  We want the communication in our homes constantly flowing, so building bridges is ideal.  Barriers such as dams in a river, will stop that flow.  Let’s look at some examples:

Barriers:

Threats – “If you don’t stop yelling, I’m sending you to your room!”

Lecturing – “If you don’t finish your homework, you will never get into university, and if you don’t get into university, you will never be able to support your family.  Get that homework done because you need to get those good grades.....”

Questioning – “Why did you...”  “How come you....”

Always giving advice or solutions -  “You should do this...”

Orders – “Take that trash out now!”

Blaming – “YOU ALWAYS make a mess...”

Denying feelings-  “Don’t feel bad...”

Can you see how each of these will stop communication?

Now let’s talk Bridges of Communication:

Bridges:

Stop what you are doing and listen with your whole self.  Look them in the eyes.  This takes time at the moment, but may save you plenty of time when there is not power struggle or whining.

Don’t blame the child,  look at the problem –example... “I see there is a mess on the floor!”  This gives the child a chance to tell themselves how to solve the concern.

Use the correct tone/body language – When we use a good tone with our children when making requests or speaking to them,  we are showing them respect.

Often just a word or two is better than a lecture.  Children will listen better is you just say something in a few words.  “boots off”,  “clean bathroom”,  “keys please”,  “homework”.

Watch your questions.  -  It’s ok to use questions such as “how could you have handled that differently...?”  “how do you see it...?”   If you use questions at all, make them thought provoking and not questioning why they did something.

You don’t always have to have a solution – “guiding them by listening and acknowledging is often the best route to take”

Understand that they are feeling the way they do – Acknowledge they have a certain feeling, even if you don’t think they should.  They will tell you how they feel if you let them.

Remember... after listening your answer may still be “no”.  If this is the case, simply state... “I heard what you said, and my answer is no.”  The acknowledgment that you heard may be enough to stop the whining.  (They may be mad you sad no, but that is ok.  Disappointment is an emotion that children need to learn to handle)

These bridges of communication are goals we all need to strive for in relationships.  Believe me,  you want your children talking to you... not their peers.  If you don’t feel like you have that communication now, use these techniques and I guarantee you, it will get better!

Problem Solving!

Hey all... back to the parenting blog!   Life seems to have its ups and downs and lately that is what we have been experiencing.   Taking my own advice on resiliency, we have decided to continue with the blog.  Hopefully we can reach more parents out there and help you solve that parenting puzzle we all seem to work on continuously.

Let’s start today with PROBLEM SOLVING!   This is a skill that every child can and should develop.   It is not one that happens naturally with most kids, in fact, it is a skill that is learned.   A child who can problem solve is less likely to engage in a power struggle with you.  

Teaching problem solving skills isn’t difficult.   You need to just back away and give your child the opportunity to think about a solution.  These moments come every day.  When a child is able to solve their own problems, he/she is more involved with that solution and will likely follow the plan rather than engage in a power struggle with you.

Let’s talk toddlers:   When my granddaughter, M was born her parents had a problem with older sibling J always wanting to pick her up.   Her parents sat down with her and guided the problem solving into a solution.  Every time she wanted to hold baby, she could ask mom or dad and they would help.  J remembered the solution because she was involved in the discussion.   If she was just told no all the time, she wouldn’t have been so invested in the solution.

Let’s talk kids:   You child continuously forgets homework at home.  It would be wise to sit down with the child and let them help you problem solve.  Listen to all the ideas for solutions.  Don’t discount them, even if you know that won’t work.   Come to an agreement and commit to that.  It could be your child has come up with the solution to put the homework right in the backpack after completion.  They have asked you to remind them one time.   You agree on this, with the stipulation that you will only remind once and then if they forget, the problem is theirs to deal with at school.  Your child is now invested in the solution.

Let’s talk Teenagers:  Curfew, the dreaded curfew!   Problem solving steps can be taken at this time.   The following guideline is an example of problem solving WITH your teenager.

• Talk about the problem/concern
• Discuss solutions (listen, listen, listen and write down ALL their ideas!)
• Talk about each idea and come to an agreement on which one works best
• Put the plan in action
• If it fails, TRY AGAIN!!!   

Think of your child and his/her success as an adult if they learn as a child how to solve problems.  Think about what you can do each day to encourage this.  When they ask you something, encourage them to think of the answer or solution.  Model problem solving skills.  Talk out loud as you try to solve a problem.  Set an example that they will see and follow!

You will solve a significant amount of the parenting puzzle if you teach your children to be problem solvers!

Love Roald Dahl!

"The more risks you allow children to take, the better they learn to take care of themselves." -Roald Dahl

    Love this quote!   Children need to shine at success, learn from mistakes, and try all over again!   Confidence from trying!   Whether successful or not.

     How do we help them along the way?  Here are a few suggestions to help:

1.  Celebrate their effort.  Point out the effort they are putting into a learning experience.  This could be climbing the playground,  cheering when they roll over (just received a video with a grandchild at 3 1/2 months doing this today), trying for their driver's licence,  studying hard for a test, etc.   Point out the effort they have put into it.

2.  Don't take away their hope when trying a new thing.  I once asked a young girl to try something that was out of her comfort zone.  She was willing to try, and a few of us were there to help her along the way.   Her mother called me a few hours later and explained her daughter would not be doing this, because she (the mother) would be too nervous for her daughter to try.  I was so saddened by this.  The mother took the daughter's chance to succeed (or maybe not) at a new experience. 

3.  Let them fix their mistakes.  Support them along the way, but let your child be the one to correct what happened.  (with a friend, making a mess, not sharing, not turning in an homework assignment, etc.)

4.  Discuss with them what they could do different next time.   Mistakes happen, and share this with them, but help them to come up with a better solution for the future.    They may need your guidance, but don't tell them what to do different, guide them to the answer.

5.  Let them PLAY, PLAY & PLAY!   All ages need to play!   (Even adults)  Laugh with them and encourage play!   Children and adults learn so many things through play.   Allow them to climb that playground (it's ok to help but don't hover!)  Allow them to drive by themselves after they get their licence (the hardest part of parenting for me!!!)   Let them take the bus at the appropriate age.   Let them get in front of an audience and sing or dance or play a sport.  

Any other ideas you may have?  Please share....there are plenty of things you can do to let your child take healthy risks!  Let us know....

Up, up and away! Being aware of our children.

It has been awhile since I posted anything.  Been traveling to see 2 new grandbabies in two different places!   It has been wonderful.

On one of my many flights this month, I sat across the aisle from a mother and her son.   The minute she got on the plane, mom was engaged with her phone.  Her son was 3 years old and sat by the window across from me.  For about an hour, he was kicking the seat in front of him, yelling, and standing up (after the flight attendant had told mom several times that he had to be in his seatbelt).  Mom just basically ignored him.  There were no toys or books for this little guy to keep him entertained.  This went on for an hour.

So, I took my headphones off and engaged mom in a conversation.  Then I started playing with him.  We did fingerplays, songs, and games.  We counted my fingers and his over and over.  Mom engaged with us at this time.    We did this for about an hour.  It entertained us both.  We started descending to our city and his little ears hurt, so he started screaming again.  I said  "don't scream, use your words and tell mommy they hurt."  So he did.  We then played a yawning game and they popped. 


As we got off the plane, mom said  "you are really good with him!"  My thought was... she could have done the same thing, she just choose to ignore him when he needed to be entertained.   Those little spaces on a plane are confining!  They are so small for kids and adults!  (that's why I entertain myself with music or books). 


I have no problem with children on an airplane.  They have just as much right to be there as I do.  The problem (not the child, but the mother ignoring him) was solved when attention was paid to the little boy.  I know the people around us were really happy when I started playing with him.


One final thought... as I was in the terminal I heard from behind... "hey, you forgot me!"  My new little friend came running up and grabbed my hand.  I explained that his mommy would miss him if he came with me, so he had to stay with mommy.  She smiled and thanked me.   Maybe some teaching was done by example.  Hopefully the next flight they were about to get on was better for him!