Weekly Goal: Better

We're a little late on our weekly goal (thank "life" for that haha!). But here it is!

“If today you are a little bit better than you were yesterday, then that's enough. And, if tomorrow you are a little bit better than you were today, then that's enough.” - David A. Bednar

Everyday, lets strive to do a little better than yesterday. Just one little thing that you can do better than yesterday. Each day that is a step forward!

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Iceberg Ahead!

You've seen or heard of the iceberg analogy I'm sure.   When looking at an iceburg we see only about 10% of the ice.  The rest of it is underneath.

Let's say that top 10% is the behavior we see in our children.   When things aren't going so good, let's try to stop and look at the 90% underneath.   What could that 90% be?

Let me suggest a few things.   Stress, lack of sleep, hungry, angry, bored, sick, temperament, personality, frustration....

When a problem occurs, it is better to deal with the part in the 90% than just the tip we can see.   If we deal with the tip only, it doesn't solve the problem, it only stops the behavior at that moment.

Let me give you an example.   One of my children had a hard time at around 5:00 at night, every night!   At first, I just dealt with it daily, but it never solve the problem underneath that was causing this.   I finally realized that she was absolutely hungry at that time.  Even though she had an after school snack, her body at that time was needing nutrients!   So, once I realized this, at 5:00 I would give her a half an apple, an orange, frozen peas, or something nutritious. If she didn't eat as much at dinner, it wasn't a concern as the snack was always healthy.  (That wasn't ever a concern though, as she seemed to need to eat at night!).  The top 10% (behavior) was solved, when I realized what might be in the 90% that was causing it!

Often we think children need to be punished and that is how they learn.   I say to look at what might be the cause of the problem and solve that piece, and the behavior will improve.   So, dive and explore underneath and try to see all the iceberg!

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Mistakes and Misbehavior

I know parents are often at a loss as to what to do when children misbehave.  Particularly if it has to do with another child.   It is difficult, I know, to figure out who was at fault and how to teach them to behave nicely towards others.

May I make a few suggestions?   If children are unkind to others (this includes you!), here are 4 steps to help turn the negative into a learning experience.  If you use these steps often, it will become a habit for both you and your child.

1. Children need to understand what they did wrong.   Older kids can verbally tell you what happened...you have to guide little ones to understand.   Don't lecture or go on about what happened, remember we are trying to make this a positive learning moment.  Just make sure they understand what happened.

2.  Children also need to recognize that they had a part in the situation.  If they continue to say.."but it wasn't me" etc, just simply state that they were part of the problem.  Once they recognize this, move on.

3.  Next step is to make amends.   That may be an apology or replacing something.  It could be restoring something to its original state (cleaning up, washing a coloured wall etc).   Remember, apologies will be different for every child and every situation.   Some show it emotional, some just say the words.  This is ok, as we are teaching them what an apology is.

4.  My last suggestion is important and I think parents miss this step!  This is probably the biggest step to a positive learning opportunity.   Simply ask your child what they could do next time to avoid this situation.   Ask them what steps they can take when this problem occurs again.   Depending on age, with younger children you will have to tell them and with older children you can guide them into coming up with solutions.   A child is more able to remember what to do when the situation comes up again, if they are involved in the solution.

So remember:   Your children are going to make mistakes. It is a human thing to do.  We need to guide those mistakes into opportunities to learn how to do it better the next time.

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Love Roald Dahl!

"The more risks you allow children to take, the better they learn to take care of themselves." -Roald Dahl

    Love this quote!   Children need to shine at success, learn from mistakes, and try all over again!   Confidence from trying!   Whether successful or not.

     How do we help them along the way?  Here are a few suggestions to help:

1.  Celebrate their effort.  Point out the effort they are putting into a learning experience.  This could be climbing the playground,  cheering when they roll over (just received a video with a grandchild at 3 1/2 months doing this today), trying for their driver's licence,  studying hard for a test, etc.   Point out the effort they have put into it.

2.  Don't take away their hope when trying a new thing.  I once asked a young girl to try something that was out of her comfort zone.  She was willing to try, and a few of us were there to help her along the way.   Her mother called me a few hours later and explained her daughter would not be doing this, because she (the mother) would be too nervous for her daughter to try.  I was so saddened by this.  The mother took the daughter's chance to succeed (or maybe not) at a new experience. 

3.  Let them fix their mistakes.  Support them along the way, but let your child be the one to correct what happened.  (with a friend, making a mess, not sharing, not turning in an homework assignment, etc.)

4.  Discuss with them what they could do different next time.   Mistakes happen, and share this with them, but help them to come up with a better solution for the future.    They may need your guidance, but don't tell them what to do different, guide them to the answer.

5.  Let them PLAY, PLAY & PLAY!   All ages need to play!   (Even adults)  Laugh with them and encourage play!   Children and adults learn so many things through play.   Allow them to climb that playground (it's ok to help but don't hover!)  Allow them to drive by themselves after they get their licence (the hardest part of parenting for me!!!)   Let them take the bus at the appropriate age.   Let them get in front of an audience and sing or dance or play a sport.  

Any other ideas you may have?  Please share....there are plenty of things you can do to let your child take healthy risks!  Let us know....