Weekly Goal - Explore

I saw quote today that read "Children will learn to explore when they are given the opportunities to do so and not given a reason why they cannot." What a beautiful sentiment this is. Exploring is so important to learning and the developing mind.

"Children use their senses, their minds and their bodies to find out about and make sense of what they see, feel and experience in the world around them. They gather information and develop new skills, including thinking skills. They form ideas and theories and test these out. They refine their ideas through exploring their environment actively and through interacting and communicating with adults and with other children. Much of this happens through play and other experiences that allow children to be creative, to take risks, and to make discoveries. As they learn, they retest their theories adjusting them to take on board new discoveries and new experiences. " - NCCA (Source)

Let them walk around outside, and feel the grass on their toes, let them jump in puddles, let them climb on the playground (with your supervision), let them run around! It's what they are meant to do (with proper supervision of course!). Here is a great article about ways to let your child explore:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/learning/exploring.html

Neil deGrasse Tyson said,

"Kids should be allowed to break stuff more often. That's a consequence of exploration. Exploration is what you do when you don't know what you're doing". 

Now I'm not saying go let them break the TV or vase... but let them go outside the throw ice cubes on the ground, or build a tower with them and let them knock it down, and rebuild it. When they are a little older, let them take apart something you build out of lego, or help them take apart a flashlight when they are old enough. Grab a glower, and let them pull it apart to see everything inside of it. If you're fixing something, let them watch, or help you take it apart when they are old enough. 

Mark Twain said it best:

Explore. Dream. Discover!!

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Weekly Goal: Better

We're a little late on our weekly goal (thank "life" for that haha!). But here it is!

“If today you are a little bit better than you were yesterday, then that's enough. And, if tomorrow you are a little bit better than you were today, then that's enough.” - David A. Bednar

Everyday, lets strive to do a little better than yesterday. Just one little thing that you can do better than yesterday. Each day that is a step forward!

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Iceberg Ahead!

You've seen or heard of the iceberg analogy I'm sure.   When looking at an iceburg we see only about 10% of the ice.  The rest of it is underneath.

Let's say that top 10% is the behavior we see in our children.   When things aren't going so good, let's try to stop and look at the 90% underneath.   What could that 90% be?

Let me suggest a few things.   Stress, lack of sleep, hungry, angry, bored, sick, temperament, personality, frustration....

When a problem occurs, it is better to deal with the part in the 90% than just the tip we can see.   If we deal with the tip only, it doesn't solve the problem, it only stops the behavior at that moment.

Let me give you an example.   One of my children had a hard time at around 5:00 at night, every night!   At first, I just dealt with it daily, but it never solve the problem underneath that was causing this.   I finally realized that she was absolutely hungry at that time.  Even though she had an after school snack, her body at that time was needing nutrients!   So, once I realized this, at 5:00 I would give her a half an apple, an orange, frozen peas, or something nutritious. If she didn't eat as much at dinner, it wasn't a concern as the snack was always healthy.  (That wasn't ever a concern though, as she seemed to need to eat at night!).  The top 10% (behavior) was solved, when I realized what might be in the 90% that was causing it!

Often we think children need to be punished and that is how they learn.   I say to look at what might be the cause of the problem and solve that piece, and the behavior will improve.   So, dive and explore underneath and try to see all the iceberg!

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Weekly Goal: Gentleness

Here is your weekly goal. Strive to be a little more gentle with your children, in your actions, words, discipline, suggestions, requests, etc.

REMEMBER: be gentle with YOURSELF also!

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It's Not Fair!!

"That's not fair!"  "She has more than me!"  "You love him more than me!"  Have you ever heard these words?   In a child's mind...it is true. They are all or nothing.... if you give your love to them, there is nothing for me!   That is natural for them to think this way...but they are teachable.   They can be taught to look at fairness in a whole new way.  Fair doesn't always mean equal.   There can be enough for everyone.

It's not always your job to fix the problem.  If you let your children learn to talk it out and not get you involved, it teaches problem solving.  Too often we don't want children to feel disappointment or jealousy in the family.   I think children need to feel this emotions at times, to learn how to deal with them.   It's O.K. for them to be upset about something they don't see as fair.   A nice conversation when things have cooled down might be the best way to help them understand.   Having said that, it's not always necessary.

If one child is overpowering another too often, a talk with both at separate times and at a calm time is appropriate.   To the one being "taken advantages of in sharing", possibly ask them what they could say or do the next time that happens.  Empower them to stick up for what they deem to be fair.   You could ask the same thing to the child who seems to always get their way.   A simple conversation can change the way THEY handle it the next time.

I know one parent who says "I don't do fair". It seems now the number of "not fair" comments have decreased.  Dad doesn't buy into it or let it push his buttons.

Other ways to handle the NOT FAIR attitude in your home could include:

-Validate their feeling without solving the problem.
-Let them know you have confidence they can work this out and praise them when they do
-When they say "it's not fair"  you can explain your decision, but only once.  (Use your best judgement as a parent on this, you don't always have to explain!)  If they continue, you ask them to explain back to you.  They usually calm down at this time.
-If it is an on going problem, sit down with that child and do scenarios to help them with problem solving.  Make it fun as you teach the lesson.
-And as always my favorite parenting technique ever is to spend one on one time with each child.   Develop that relationship!  As you do this, the jealousy and fairness attitudes will decrease as your child learns that he/she is important to you no matter what another child or person receives.