Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Are You Their Friend AND Parent?

Have you seen this quote lately?  

  Every time I see it, thoughts run through my head.   (Don't ask me what those are).  The thought that sticks out mainly is...Why can't moms and dads be both; parents and friend?

I looked up the definition of both words:

Parent:  
be or act as a mother or father to (someone).

"the warmth and attention that are the hallmarks of good parenting"
synonyms:raise, bring up, look after, take care of, rear

Friend:  
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: 

So, thinking through this statement of "I am not your friend, I am your parent" really doesn't make sense when raising children.  I understand we are going to protect our children and teach them to make wise decisions, but parenting is not stalking, hunting them down or even being their worst nightmare!   Parenting is advocating for your child when needed, helping them through mistakes they make and guiding them to make correct decisions.   

Yes, as they get older, they may think you are a bad nightmare (and I'm sure that is basically what this statement is about) but, if we discipline and teach with a caring heart, children will learn more and show more respect for you.  Respect should be from both child AND parent.  The statement above is not a statement of respect from the parent.  

My father had boundaries and guidelines for me to follow.  Did I like them all?  No!   Did I think he was my worst nightmare? No!   I may not have agreed with him, maybe even have been mad at him at times, but never did I think of him as a stalker, or an enemy or nightmare. 

So, ideas on how to be the parent your child respects?  ( doesn't mean always agrees with, but respects you and your boundaries).   Let's rewrite this statement!

"I am your friend AND I am your parent!  
I will walk beside you and guide you.
I will discuss with you your concerns and mine.
I will listen to you always, in turn I hope you listen to me.
I have you in my dreams and I hope your dreams are happy, too.
When mistakes are made, I want you to know you can come to me!  ALWAYS!  This way we can learn together, to make it better next time.
Because I love you!"

I like this statement so much better!  The only problem I see with it, is it doesn't fit on a decorative board like the other one!  :)

So, can we be friend AND parent?  Of course we can!   

As the definition of the words friend and parent states, we can "be and act as a mother or father" and "be the person our child knows, likes, and trusts!"  

Laurie

18 comments:

  1. A child thinks of a friend more as a buddy. But we parents can be a friend and supporter to our children even if the relationship isn't more equal until they become adults. Thanks for the thought-provoking post!

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts. I hope that more people like you put thought into their parenting.

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  2. hi, i do believe in your philosophy that parents can be friends, too. in fact, my mom and i were the best of friends. i loved her so much and really miss her. awesome post!

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    1. Love this! That is the way I feel about my father and he is almost 80 years old now! I saw him as my friend and parent! Thanks for your beautiful thoughts.

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  3. This is incredible, every mom needs to read this and every dad, I am sharing with some Mom's if that is ok :)

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    1. Please share with anyone! Share other posts if you want! I love helping parents and giving them ideas to help with their families!

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  4. I agree with you and for our son, we are his parents AND his friend!

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  5. love this - so very true... you can definitely be both!! I know my dad was to me. Lots of rules and very strict but he was also my friend who i could tell anything to and who'd laugh and be silly with me too

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    1. Same with my father! He wasn't too strict but set boundaries! My grandchildren and children and myself all love to have fun and joke with my father.

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  6. Yes we can, but I want to be more of a parent then friend. I had friend's growing up who's parents were too close, and it crossed a line. I always made a mental note, never to be like that.

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    1. I agree, there is always a line to cross. But if parents and children respect each other, the
      Line is easier to find for sure. Thanks for your insight.

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  7. What you wrote is really lovely. I am with you on this - I am a friend and a parent, and it has always felt right. But a friend in the sense that I love them and I'm there for them - not in the same way as their girlfriends.

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  8. It does feel right doesn't it? I love your comments. So true!

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  9. BINGO!!!!! I really do not like that first quote... respect is key to parent child relationship. It goes both ways. Great post!

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    1. I wish more people knew how important mutual respect is! Thanks!

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  10. Very true! I was just thinking about this today and from my experience with my own kids and the kids I teach, gentleness and humour go alot farther than harsh and particular. Yes, we need to be a parent, an adult, a guide and source of wisdom but we can also be friends with our children. Great post!

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    1. Thanks. We have great teachers out there! I agree, we need to be adults with wisdom, but friends with wisdom too!

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