Values - Following the Leader

Often when I am facilitating a class, parents will say to me.. “The problem with children today is…”

The following is what someone said about youth:

“The world is passing through troubling times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress.”

Does this sound like our children today?  This was actually written by:

Peter the Hermit (c. 1050 – 8 July 1115) He was a priest of Amiens and a key figure during the First Crusade. (Wikipedia)

To me this is very interesting…  Each generation says the same thing about children and youth.  Do I believe there are problems with this generation?  Yes, as in all others.  I do believe however, that there are wonderful children and youth in the world.  We just don’t hear enough about them!  I have met them and had them in my home when my children were youth.

What we need to teach our children is values.  For each family this is different of course, but overall I believe our values are similar.  Honesty, kindness, integrity, empathy, respect, self-discipline, responsibility etc… (this list goes on and on).   Your core values in your home and the characteristics you want your children to have needs to come from you.  If you don’t teach, they will learn values from the world.  You don’t want this to happen!

So, how do we do this?  Number one and most important way is to model these values yourself.  

So, for example, let’s talk about empathy and kindness.  A child learns best when he sees others he respects and loves being kind, and loving.   Show kindness and concern to neighbors, friends, families in your school area, the homeless, or anyone that you see may need some compassion at the time.   Let your children help also.  Talk to them about what you are doing and why.   Can you see what they are learning at the time?  If you model kindness and talk to them about it, they are learning in two different ways.  

Watch what children are learning from media. The TV shows, games, movies, music , magazines, etc,  all have values that your children learn.  Are these values the ones you want to instil in them?   Why not turn the radio off?  Or a TV show?  Many (many) years ago, a show came on the TV.  It is still running today!  (I won’t mention any names in this post).  My husband walk in and one person on the show was speaking very disrespectfully to another.  (A child to a mother).  My husband walked right over and turned the TV off and announced… “that  was very rude, this show will not be on our TV in our home!”   A discussion followed, because the children were not in agreement with turning it off, but we were insistent that we were not watching that show in our home.  We discussed with the children why.   My adult children remember that discussion and hopefully learned what values we expect in our home.  I actually know they learned that lesson throughout their years, as they teach the same values to their children and that show is not watched in their homes either!

So, with any value you want to teach, model the behavior and value you want them to have.   If you do this, they will follow you and learn your values.