Thursday, April 3, 2014

Yes or No?

Here's an interesting question to ask yourself... Can you say YES instead of NO?  
There are several ways to say YES to our children instead of always saying NO! Let me give you an example...from my own interaction with my grandchild. Now keep in mind I teach these skills to parents all the time and I blew it this time! ( a good lesson that we all make mistakes!)
We were enjoying a fun family evening around the camp-fire eating s'mores. (A favorite treat around a fire). My grandson C.A., had eaten his quota of two s'mores that evening... 
C.A.: "Grandma, can I have another s'more?" 
Me: "No, you have already had two" 
(C.A. Goes into 3 year old mode of crying and slight tantrum to view his disappointment...) C.A.: "I want another one, I want another one!" 
(Enter his mother to the camp-fire at this moment. She hadn't heard anything that had happened yet) 
C.A. runs to his mother and says: "Mommy, I want another s'more" 
Mother: "Yes, C.A., tomorrow!" 
C.A.: "Okay"
He then runs off to play! 
Whoa, what just happened here? I teach these skills all the time and I totally missed this time! Mom answered yes... That he could have one and told him when. He was completely satisfied!Now, does this mean we never say no to our children? Of course not. Often no is required and a simple no should do. You can explain why once, but you don't have to explain over and over. Yet too often we say no without even thinking. It can sometimes be an automatic response. We do know better, we do know that two s'mores is enough for a three year old, but rephrasing it into a YES response would have saved me and my grandson from the power tantrum! 
"Yes, we will go to the park when it stops raining!" 
"Yes, you can play with your friend, after you do your homework." 
"Yes, you can watch a movie, after you help me with the dishes." 
"Yes, you can take my car to the mall, but I would like you to pay for some gas." 
Saying YES some of the time (or most of the time) will ease the disappointment and might even tame a struggle. One note of caution though, make sure you follow through with what you say. If you don't, children will soon learn (very soon I might add!) that you don't mean what you say and the struggle will happen even when you say yes! 
So remember... You can often say YES instead of NO! Try it and see if it works for you. It may take more than once, they need to trust you will follow through.  
Comment below and let us know of your successes!


  1. Very great point! I need to remember to say yes more often.

  2. Good strategy for kids... and also for grownups too! Thanks for linking to #AllAboutYou (hope to see you back tomorrow)

  3. Thanks for the comments. It is a great strategy that works well with everyone!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...